That's it

Dec 22, last night in praise band with tyler, dan, stu and shelby, we played My Redeemer Lives. That song totally screams Christmas and we totally rocked it. We also get to play Joy to the world, which I was really missing. Now instead of dreading it, I am very much looking forward to playing Christmas morning. I just read John 1 in the NLT. I've probably read that passage a hundred times, but never before have the words jumped off of the page and into my heart like they did this time. Jesus, the son of God, became flesh and he came to earth to bring us life, to bring me life. That, Charlie Brown, is what Christmas is all about.

Not helpful

Not helpful to tell me that everything is going to be all right, that I will get used to it and that the new normal will become o.k. after all, it's been a year. That colored my whole day. That affected every single interaction I had from that point on. That was like the big rock thrown into the pond. Have you "lost" your son? Have you poured everything you have into someone, only to have them mostly taken away? I didn't think so. Therefore, please don't tell me how to feel.

The end of John 20, these are written so that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God and that by believing, you might have life on his name. This is helpful.

Greedy

It's Cyber Monday. I was out on Black Friday. I read the ads on Thanksgiving. I watched 60 minutes last night about the 1,000's of kids in FLA living in cars and on the streets, entire families with no jobs, or not enough jobs to support themselves. Life was o.k. then stuff happened, and there they are. I just read John 19, the account of Jesus' Crucifixion. Let's not call it the story of his Crucifixion, that makes it not seem real. He died for me. He was tortured for me.

On Saturday I went to a memorial service for a former youth group kid. We tried. But did we try enough? The priest said she would be in heaven because of her infant baptism. I don't think so. I wonder if the people in the room thought so? They knew what she had done. They knew none of it made or makes sense.

I saw a friend yesterday. He needs friends too. He starts lots of projects and doesn't get them done.

Life doesn't to be easy for lots of us these days. I pray that my priorities wouldn't get in the way of what His priorities for me today would be.

Trust in Jesus

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me" These words start John 14. I've certainly read them many times before. The thing is, and I'm no Greek expert here, several almost failed attempts and a changed seminary degree prove that, at a quick read the verse seems all about simply putting our faith in Jesus. But think about it. The act of trusting takes effort. It is a decision we must make over and over. It doesn't just happen, and it won't just happen if we think, ase yeah, I should trust in Jesus, that sound like a nice thing to do.

I'm learning that this trusting thing is a continual process, it might be daily, it might be hourly, it might be every few minutes, or even seconds. It is a choice, it is a conscious effort. Place my trust in Jesus. Worry happens, things to worry about are all over the place. Don't let your hearts be troubled, instead place our trust, in the only one who can really ultimately take our worry away.

And with that, I realize what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving, and I owe this thought to my "friend" Glenn. I am certainly thankful for my treasure Jo and our amazing daughter Shelby and our incredible son Wes. But most of all, I am thankful for Jesus.

I have decided

“I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”

These words to this old hymn have been stuck in my head for well over a year. I’m sure I sung it as a kid growing up in church. Interesting, it isn’t in our red hymnbook at our current church. Maybe there is a little too much free will hinted at in the lyrics, but I don’t think that is really the case. Even if you believe that God calls and chooses us, there is still a response and a responsibility that sits with each of us in terms of our daily, hourly, choosing to commit our lives to following him. Just this week I was listening to a pastor who in his 3 points as he was wrapping up his sermon said that we must each choose to grow in Christ if we are going to grow at all.

It is one of the few songs that we played in our praise band that Wes complimented me on an arranging choice that I made, which I also think of every time that I get to play the song.

“The world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back.”

In May, 2010, Wes and I drove out to Colorado. He had a summer job at Noah’s Ark Rafting Company and then he was going to begin school at Colorado Mtn. College in Breckenridge, with the goal of becoming a wilderness EMT and living and working in the beautiful mountains of Colorado. We packed up most of what he owned and got a tow dolly to pull his 1988 Wranger and in 3 days we found ourselves in Denver at his grandparents house. Much to their “great joy” we unloaded some of his stuff into their basement and then on Sunday morning we got up early to drive up to Breckenridge to attend a great church that we had heard about, Breckenridge Christian Ministries. Wes drove his Jeep, and I drove our Explorer. We had been wondering how the Jeep would do in the mountains, and it ran fine, except it leaked oil everywhere and we never did quite figure that one out.

At BCM we met a lot of great people and Wes got introduced to the youth and young adult people. These relationships would prove to be vital to Wes’s first months at college. After church we went out to lunch, something Wes and I never quite did enough of. After walking all over the town of Breckenridge, we decided on the Bubba Gump Fish Company and ordered BBQ hamburgers. They were amazing. We wondered around town a little but we both new the time was coming that we would have to go different directions. The Jeep needed gas, and I told Wes I’d fill the tank for him, also something I never really did enough of. At the Seven Eleven we said I love you and good bye. Wes pulled out and as he was driving away gave me one of those multi-faceted looks which said, I’m going to be all right, It’s going to be all right, I love you, I finally get to be on my own, and yeah, I’m a little scared too, and he was gone out of sight.

“Tho none go with me, still I will follow, tho none go with me, still I will follow, tho none go with me, still I will follow, no turning back, no turning back.”

These words were in my head as he drove away. For 18 years Wes had been about making choices that were different from the choices those around him were making. I was confidant as he drove away that he truly was seeking to honor God with his life.

I still sing the song at every opportunity that I get. It gives me a connection to Wes. I play it for him and tell him the story I have just told you, and pray that one day we will be playing it together again, but if not here on this earth, I know that it will happen in heaven as we give praise and honor to the one who made us and who continually makes all things new.