I thirst for God

I can't say this is really true most days, but right now, right here, today, it definitely is. I fully, well, partially, understand, that I have relatively little to complain about. But right now I am tired. He promises to not give us more than we can bear, but it does seem to be piling up a little, and the joy is lacking. Or maybe it is just the adrenaline is lacking b/c I have been trying to do this on my own strength and under my own power for way too long. Stuff to get ready for other people, the pressure of standing up each week, seems to be catching up to me. Add a sickness, add a couple of ailing cars, and all of a sudden it seems like a lot. Sure we are healthy, have a warm house, food to eat... Maybe I am at least getting a sense of appreciation for some of what those around me are going through, even on a limited basis and why they seem to be struggling and down. How can I help them when I feel like this myself?

"My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be," Psalm, 42:4...that used to be seems to be quite a while ago now. Where did I go wrong? How did I get to the point that so much of the little I read is for someone else and not for my self? How can I be a leader if it is like that? 43:2, for you God are my only safe haven. I know that in my brain, but do I acknowledge it in my heart? Can I begin to live that way starting right now? Maybe on another level I can at least start with DOF and the words to Lately, it's time to forget about all the things you've been thinking about... There I will go to the alter of God, to God the source of all of my joy. I will praise you with my harp, or at least my 6-string.